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Looking back, I never imagined us apart. I really thought we would be together when we start off college, and as we end our first year in it, even until we graduate and become have a career of our own. You know, before you came into my life, I was sure nobody in the entirety of this planet would ever love me. I was so damn sure I'd be getting old alone. Hence why I never had a vision of myself in the future living a thriving life with a family I would be able to call my own. I lived a lonely life before you. But, when you came, my life did turn around. I had someone and something to look forward everyday. I was in my lowest point when you happened to me. You gave me hope to live. You made me want to live. And, for once, in the 16 years of my existence then, I felt like I actually weigh in this world. I felt loved. And it was unlike any love I have been told I have been receiving. The love you gave me was something that felt like it actually came from your heart, and not just because it was something that was obligatory for you to give. I didn't just live for myself. I lived for you, too. I have so much more to say, but, I don't think it'd matter. You won't see this anyway. Funny. It's funny how I said I won't reach out anymore, but I'm doing things impossible for you to see but then hoping you'd see anyway. I miss you, mako. Miss na miss na kita. I miss my best friend, I miss you. I hope you're well and happy. I love you so much. I hope you know that. I hope you're in a good place right now, and I wish that you'll always be happy. I'm sorry for everything. I love you. I love myself enough to not reach out to you again and come back. But, I love you even more to still wait for you, and have my arms wide open if you ever change your mind and decide to come back to me. Mahal na mahal kita. Always and forever, mako.

Hi, mahal! I have no courage to tell you this directly. Swerte mo if makikita mo ‘to and if not, okay lang. I just want to express what I feel. I’ve read your message sa tt, I didn’t dare make a single move nor reply. It hurts me, of course. But it made me realized na that was all you ever wanted—for us to end. I am happy, sad, confused, mad, hindi ko maipinta kung ano yung mararamdaman ko. There are times na umiiyak ako just because I remembered how we were back then, hahahha it’s kinda funny to think, yk. I miss it, I miss you, mahal. There’s this ache feeling sa heart ko everytime I thought about you. I was just used to the feeling of having you around me, caring for me, always hatid sundo me, always buying me kwek kwek HAHAHAH. Wala na pala mag rrequest sayo nyan lol. Sana maalala mo ako sa kwek kwek, kidding HEHE. (shits making me tear up). Anyways, I don’t wanna show you how vulnerable I am, kahit lagi mo naman ako nakikitang umiiyak but not this time. Mahal kita, kiel,, and you will always have a special place to my heart. Wala eh, may mga taong aalis at mag sstay. But I don’t regret what we had, I knew deep down that it was all real.. So genuine… I badly want to hug you, even for the last time. Hindi ko naman aakalain na huling pagsasama na natin yon, after school HAHA. I should’ve hugged you tight that night. I will forever cherish our memories.. Mahal na mahal kita, higit pa sa salitang sobra, Kiell. You were my everything and I wish you nothing but best:> I loved you, for the last time. -ursillybby

hey, i’m sorry for how i acted these past few days. it’s not your fault my brain’s wired to think like that in the slightest bit of change. when i recognize patterns, they trigger something in me—the trigger to flee. to avoid people, to cut people off completely. i can say that during those days that i acted like that, i was trying to detach myself from you, kasi i wanted to make cutting you off easier. it was easier for me to cut you off that to tell you how i feel, kasi i feel like it’s very petty. the reason i have is very petty, and i think that you wouldn’t really understand where i’m coming from. where i’m coming from—it’s something you’d only understand if i tell you everything about me. and i don’t want to, because it’s tiring. it’s troublesome. all that for someone you just met this sy. i feel like i’d be trauma dumping if i did, and i didn’t want to put you through that situation. and i know i should work on it, and believe me, i’m trying my very best. i just can’t. i’m still trying, though. though i think my efforts are not enough lately to put my mind at ease. what your ambiguous actions cannot express, my thoughts will fill in. kahit siguro para sa inyo, wala lang ‘yon, sa ‘kin may meaning. i’m sensitive and i’m hyper-aware of every word or action you say or do towards me. and maybe that’s actually the thing. maybe i’m just too sensitive. maybe we’re not on the same emotional wavelength. and maybe you shouldn’t be friends with someone who’s tiring, or hot and cold, or avoidant. maybe i have to sit this one out, on my own. bc i don’t want to drag you down with me. i know how tiring it can be to listen to me rant about my problems in life, all the trauma i’ve gone through from childhood ‘til this day. and i really don't want to cut you guys off. you were the people who made me feel like i finally belonged somewhere. i’ve mentioned time and time again na i’ve always been a floater friend, never really having a permanent place in someone's circle. kaya when i found you guys, i felt like i can finally just be me and not run away. pero maybe i’m wrong. maybe i was ahead of myself when i said that. maybe it was too early to say that. it’s because me. all me. my thoughts, my issues. i can see how you guys are reaching out to me, and i fail to fully accept it bc i let my thoughts take over. me and my thoughts. so, i’m detaching myself from you to make things easier.

THANKS FOR BEING A GOOD FRIENDD

HEHE THANK YOU FOR BEING A GOOD FRIENDDD

I think I’m going to accept the fact that you’ll never going to like me back. And that’s okay because life is never about always getting what you want. You were a wonderful experience for me but at the same time you were the reason why I went through something bad again after so long. I can’t blame you because that’s my fault and it’s not like it’s your responsibility to like me. You’re a great friend. Well, I wouldn’t really say that you’re great maybe you’re just like a good friend. The thing is, you brought happiness into my life at some point and that’s what matters. Thank you for giving me a spark at one point in my life but also taking back the spark from me. I tried to convince myself that maybe the reason why I like you is because I just think that way when I actually don’t have feelings for you. But then I kept on liking you so I got confused, whether I like you or not. Well I ended up liking you anyways and it hurt me once again. I kind of expected it so. I hope this would be the last time that I like you. I hope that I’ll never like you again in the future. Even if you like me, I don’t know if I should accept that.

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Hey Nini, its been a long while. I miss you. A lot. But I'll only keep missing you. I won't come back even if I had the chance to. I'm glad we happened, but I'm also glad we got to grow separately. As promised, one day, my grandchildren will hear your name, but as the loss of my life. You were supposed to be my comfort but you were never really there. Religion wasn't the only reason we could've never worked out. But in another lifetime, I hope that version of me would've tried harder, she would've fought for "us", she would've given you another chance. Maybe then, I wouldn't be writing this for you hoping this will somehow reach you in some way. Happy Birthday for March 28th. Congratulations, for March 30th. I'm proud of you, for all the days you've accomplished something, and even on the days when you feel like you're lost. I'm always your quiet supporter. To my guitarist, my very smart guy, my not so humble guy, & to my taga baton sang banat, I just.. miss you.

i lied. please reach out and tell me u miss me☹️

hei, are u still there?

hei, are

i love you

goodluck for your exam. i wish the best. just to remind, i will always be here for you, if you want to lean and feel the warmth of someone. xx :)

hiii, i miss you. A while ago, while i was still planning on writing a message for u, countless thoughts filled my mind. But now that im at it, i can’t seem to fine the words to tell you. All i know is that i miss you and I want us back together. Impossible na coz u alr have eyes for someone else, and it’s just sad cause you always joked abt me liking someone from my school after breaking up, yet here you are, doing the things you feared I would do. It hurts, but I have to live with the fact that you’re not coming back anymr. I’ll always love in you in my own quiet ways. Wish you nothing but the best, cause it’s what u deserve.

are u still there, kak?

Hi, I just wanna write this kasi hindi ko masabi sayo. And I don’t know if there will be a chance pa na masabi ko to sayo. I’m letting you go na, not because I want to, not because I don’t love you, not because you don’t matter, but because I have to. I have to let you go para hindi na tayo mas mahirapan pa. I know you asked this first. I’m sorry kung di kita na-let go agad. I see you and I hear you. I know you’re struggling and tired. I may not know exactly what you’re going through but I know it’s hard for you. You’re right, we should focus on ourselves first. We should heal our wounds first. I’m sorry na hindi ko agad natanggap yun. I was in denial because we have so much potential. Marami tayong pinangarap nang magkasama. Di ko agad na-let go yun kasi I was still holding on sa mga what ifs. Now I understand it na. Tanggap ko na. Hindi dahil hindi na kita mahal. I love you so much that I wanna fix myself. I wanna work on myself. I wanna heal. I wanna love myself more than before. I wanna accept and forgive myself. I wanna grow so no one has to suffer. No one has to suffer for the pain I could inflict and I do not have to suffer for the guilt knowing I hurt someone while hurting. I wanna be better for myself. Gusto kong maging buo. Tama ka, kailangan muna natin ng pahinga. Kailangan nating maghilom mag-isa. Kailangan natin harapin lahat nang hindi magkasama. Para kung sakali man na pagtagpuin ulit tayo ng panahon, magagawa na natin nang tama. If ever in the future, okay ka na at okay na rin ako. Kapag nahanap na natin ang daan pabalik sa kanya kanya nating buhay. Kapag mahal na natin ang sarili natin nang buo at gusto pa rin natin ang isa’t isa. May we found our way back to each other. And if ever we decide to write the next chapter of our story, it will no longer come from longing, begging and chasing but from us being whole. A love with steadiness, clarity and peace. I will grab this opportunity to heal, to grow, to be more mature, so if ever you come back, I will no longer the same person who’s wounded, traumatized, and living in survival. I will be someone who’s capable to love without doubt, without running, and with clarity. So I hope you too. I hope you find the courage to fight. I know you’re doing it na. I know you’re a fighter. I know you’re resilient. I want you to keep going, even with uncertainty. I know it will be hard for us but we have to keep fighting. We have to live. I love you so much.

congrats, brow 🤍 as a form of appreciation, walaupun gua ga nemenin proses lo,tapi gua tau pasti banyak struggles yang harus lo hadapi proud of you! through all the process and all the storms, you went through it on your own, and you still made it this far selamat melanjutkan perjalanan ya,semoga lancar sampai akhirmaaf gua belum bisa kasih langsung,semoga suka dan bermanfaat ya 🫂